Saturday, December 22, 2007

My Hypocrisy is Complete

Please see the 5th comment on the last post
Christy is right I am wrong

Amy is still wicked

And Beth....being the good sister is a very ambiguous state

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mean Girls

My sister, who happens to be a girl...a mean one, turned me on to this. Now since we don't have a TV we watch the DVDs supplied by the aforementioned wicked sibling.
So you're asking "why, if she supplies us with such wonderful addictions, is she so bad?"
Let me tell you a little story...
This weekend my wife, who is also a Sister in the "Nefarious Sorority," is going down to Woodland without me and will see my sister. I, in a panicked state, forbade her to watch the series, in fact I went so far as to "request" that she not go anywhere that my sister and a electronic digital viewing device are sharing the same space and time. As some of you know my wife, you cannot make such statements or "requests" without a raised eyebrow of defiance for an answer. So faced with that I contacted my sister...who was no help and even though she is sick, with a cold, I could actually hear her brighten up as she was trying to devise a way that she and the wife could watch it this weekend.
Wicked Tricksies!
After exhausting my impotent decrees to both of them, my sister asks if I noticed the "Jacob Loves You" scrawled on the cover of the DVD she has posted on her blog. ARGHHHH!!!!

So I enlisted the help of my eldest nefew, who has his own stylistic blog now, to sequester the DVD until a time that would be suitable for ALL parties to be involved in the viewing.
If he gets grounded I will rescue him...

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Peace of...

so the deal is there is just a lot of stuff going on right now, a sort of circumstantial perfect storm.
Christy's health and my hand
Growing kids and a two year old who is causing us to evaluate discipline
Holidays and our search for simplicity, spirituality and reality
School ending with major questions about what is next
Animals who eat and shit...all the time

So every morning after I feed the kids I go outside to feed the ruminants
This morning I have major unrest in my spirit, about what I am not sure
I realized how much I get from the practice of cleaning up after our horse
I feed her, she eats, I get the rake and pick up the processed remains of last night's meal
and there is a peace and tranquility in that

a peace of shit

Saturday, October 13, 2007

On my way to the Mayo?

So I received an email from my doctor yesterday, following our Thursday visit with him to remind him I am still alive, stating that the doctor in MN will see me, IF insurance will cover it as well as travel expenses. So does this mean I am going to have surgery there? Soon?

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Are you real?

The isolated individual is not a real person. A real person is one who lives in and for others. And the more personal relationships we form with others, the more we truly realize ourselves as persons. It has even been said that there can be no true person unless there are two, entering into communication with one another.

This idea of openness to others could be summed up under the word love. By love, I don’t mean merely an emotional feeling, but a fundamental attitude. In its deepest sense, love is the life, the energy, of God in us. We are not truly personal as long as we are turned in on ourselves, isolated from others. We only become personal if we face other persons, and relate to them.

- Kallistos Ware

Monday, August 20, 2007


My nephew's blog:

J2 of 4

Sounds Borg-ish

Go visit him it's hilarious to have a grade-schoolers perspective on a day.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Whatever Happens to You

The Didache

My child, flee from all evil and from everything resembling it. Do not get angry, for anger leads to murder. My child, do not grumble, for this leads to blasphemy; be gentle-minded, for those of a gentle mind shall possess the earth. Be patient and have a loving heart.

Do not be one who stretches out his hands to receive but closes them when it comes to giving. If you have earned something by the work of your hands, pass it on as a ransom for your sins. Do not turn away from those who are in need, but share all things in common with your brother.

Your heart shall not cling to the high and mighty, but turn to the good and humble folk. Accept as good whatever happens to you or affects you, knowing that nothing happens without God.

Source: "The Early Christians," ed. by Eberhard Arnold

Sunday, July 29, 2007

One last vote...

Since the votes were more or less close, I decided to run one more poll with the names who got the most votes.
You get one vote.
Vote wisely.
This name shall brand my hand forever...or at least a while

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Human Pincushion

and one of my beautiful little lass who helped me change her poopy diaper today

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Chance of a Lifetime...

On your right you will see an opportunity to brand my current fixation. Vote often...but vote fast the poll is only open for a week!

Monday, July 09, 2007

The Greatest Power

Romano Guardini

Truth is power, but only when one has patience and requires of it no immediate effect. And one must have no specific aims. Somehow, lack of an agenda is the greatest power. Sometimes it is better not to think in terms of plans; here months may mean nothing, and also years. Truth must be sought for its own sake, its holy, divine greatness.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Unless You Become a Child...

Dorothy Day

One thing children certainly accomplish, and that is that they love and wonder at the people and the universe around them. They live in the midst of squalor and confusion and see it now. They see people at the moment and love them and admire them. They forgive and they go on loving. They may look at the most vicious person, and if he is at that moment good and kind and doing something that they can be interested in or admire, there they are, pouring out their hearts to him. Oh, I can write with authority. I have my own little grandchildren with me right now, and they see only the beauty and the joy of other people. There is no criticism in their minds and hearts of those around them.
Source: Dorothy Day, "Selected Writings

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

If This Grace Were Ours

Samuel Howard Miller

It is the rare person who, looking back over his life and seeing what he has done to it, hasn't sighed for a chance to redeem what he has cheaply used or carelessly ruined. If only somehow, somewhere, there was a way to live again the days we have darkened with our blind haste - the innumerable occasions when our indifference trod on all the pearls of God’s graciousness; the times when our pride, or our fear, or our meanness poured the acid of contempt over the fair countenance of another’s soul! If this grace were ours, how we would leap to the chance!

Source: Samuel Howard Miller, "The Life of the Soul" (Harper, 1951)

Friday, June 22, 2007

Too Big To Put Behind

Rachel Naomi Remen

Disappointment and loss are a part of every life. Many times we can put them behind us and get on with the rest of our lives. But not everything is amenable to this approach. Some things are too big or too deep to do this, and we will have to leave important parts of ourselves behind if we treat them in this way. These are the places where wisdom begins to grow in us. It begins with suffering that we do not avoid or rationalize or put behind us. It starts with the realization that our loss, whatever it is, has become a part of us and has altered our lives so profoundly that we cannot go back to the way it was before.
The thing about the many strategies we use to shelter ourselves from feeling loss is that none of them leads to healing. Although denial, rationalization, substitution, avoidance, and the like may numb the pain of loss, every one of them hurts us in some far more fundamental ways. None is respectful toward life or toward process. None acknowledges our capacity for finding meaning or wisdom.
Source: Rachel Naomi Remen, MD. "My Grandfather’s Blessings"

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What Really Happened on Father's Day...

OK pics of the fair will be up soon but here is how I spent part of my Father's Day...
Co-experiencer's were my sis and bro-in-law, Beth and Kevin, plus kids, my sis-in-law, Misty, up to practice Phlebotomy on our sheep...yeah...and David our recently returned from China friend.
Beth and I were shopping in town when I get a call from my neighbor that there was a fire near our homes, but the fire crews were on it and were hopeful to have it contained soon.
After calling Christy to verify what was going on and being reassured that everything was fine we finished shopping and headed home. As we were driving home we noticed faint smoke in the direction of our home but nothing significant...I could see the helicopter with it's bucket making rounds and the air TAC flying high, calling the shots, but it looked like the fire was all but out. By the time we reached our dirt road we could see black smoke....not good.
Got home just in time for the helicopter to fly over our house dip its bucket into the neighbor's pond and start dropping.
My neighbor drives over with a CDF crew chief who was telling us to get ready to evacuate...which translated to getting 5 children, 30 sheep, some dogs(plus puppies), a horse and a donkey, 11 chickens and two cats in various vehicles and a trailer...luckily the fire was stopped at my neighbor's was close

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day and the Picture

My ultimate presents for Father's Day are my kids.
They give me immense joy and sense of purpose, they are a present daily.

The banner picture is of my Pop and my uncle...I think it is a great picture of a couple of cool guys.
Happy Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Get Out

Henry David Thoreau

Staying inside the house breeds a sort of insanity always. Every house is in this sense a hospital. A night and a forenoon is as much confinement to those wards as I can stand - and then I must go outdoors.

Source: Journal, 1856

Thursday, June 14, 2007

As We Love Ourselves

Alvin Alexsi Currier

Jesus took the command to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, and pushed the definition of who is our neighbor, out, out, and still further out, until it reached to the ends of the earth and included all of humanity—all of God’s children.
Because Jesus' teachings are so challenging and radical, it is much more comfortable to focus on a quiet, private, personal relationship with him than it is to follow his teachings that call for a public prophetic witness.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


Ivan Turgenev

Love, I thought, is stronger than death or the fear of death.
Only by it, by love, life holds together and advances.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

All Will Be Well

Eberhard Arnold

Difficulties should not depress or divert us. The Cause that has gripped us is so great that the small weaknesses of individuals cannot destroy it. Therefore I ask you only one thing: do not be so worried about yourself. Free yourself from all your plans and aims. They occupy you far too much. Surrender yourself to the sun, the rain, and the wind, as do the flowers and the birds. Surrender yourself to God. Wish for nothing but one thing: that his will be done, that his kingdom come, and that his nature be revealed. Then all will be well.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Once They Deny Themselves

Meister Eckhart

People who seek peace in things, places, people, and activities - or in world-flight, poverty, and humiliation, whatever the avenue or degree - look in vain, for there is no peace this way. But once they deny themselves, then whatever they keep, be it wealth, honor, or anything else, they will still be free from it all.

Friday, June 08, 2007

The More You Give

Dorothy Day

To attack poverty by preaching voluntary poverty seems like madness. But again, it is direct action....To be profligate in our love and generosity, spontaneous, to cut all the red tape of bureaucracy! The more you give away, the more the Lord will give you to give. It is a growth in faith. It is the attitude of the man whose life of common sense and faith is integrated. To live with generosity in times of crisis is only common sense. In the time of earthquake, flood, fire, people give recklessly; even governments do this.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

When We Share Woundedness

M. Scott Peck

How strange that we should ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded! Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weaknesses to our fellow creatures. It also requires the ability to be affected by the wounds of others...But even more important is the love that arises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness.

Source: M. Scott Peck, "A Different Drum." Peck died on Sunday, September 25, 2005. He was 69.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Each Choice

Jigme Lingpa

As the eagle soars in the endless blue,
Its shadow races after it, far below.
Yet space does not divide: bird and shadow
are linked. So too each act—each choice
and consequence.

Source: Tibet, 18th Century

Monday, June 04, 2007

Pickled Martyrs?

Søren Kierkegaard

Here is proof that the clergy are cannibals. As in the farmhouses at the slaughtering season provision for the winter is salted away, so the "minister" keeps in brine tubs the martyrs who suffered for the truth. In vain the deceased witness cries out, "Follow me, follow me!" "That's a good joke," replies the preacher, "No, keep your mouth shut and stay where you are. What nonsense to require that I, or anyone else, should follow you. I keep you alive precisely by eating you, and not I alone, but my wife and my children! To suppose that I should follow you, perhaps myself become a sacrifice - instead of making a living off you, or eating you, is ridiculous."
Source: Provocations

Sunday, June 03, 2007

God's Palette

Eberhard Arnold

God does not work by only one method, paint in only one color, play in only one key, nor does He make only one star shine onto the earth. God's mystery is the rich spectrum of color that is gathered together in the purity of the sun's white light. The symphonic harmony of all the stars is built up on precisely their manifold variety. But all this is gathered together and will be gathered together at the end of time in the unity of the Kingdom of God.

Source: Eberhard Arnold: A Testimony from His Writings

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Killing Him Softly

C. F. Blumhardt

Nothing is more dangerous to the advancement of God's kingdom than religion. But this is what Christianity has become. Do you not know that it is possible to kill Christ with such Christianity? After all, what is more important - Christianity or Christ? And I'll say even more: we can kill Christ with the Bible! Which is greater: the Bible or Christ? Yes, we can even kill Christ with our prayers. When we approach God with our prayers full of self-love and self-satisfaction, when the aim of our prayers is to make our world great, our prayers are in vain.

Source: C.F.B, "Action in Waiting"

Friday, June 01, 2007

Dig Redux

Humble Love

Jean Vanier

My heart is transformed by the smile of trust given by some people who are terribly fragile and weak. They call forth new energies from me. They seem to break down barriers and bring me a new freedom.

It is the same with the smile of a child: even the hardest heart can’t resist. Contact with people who are weak and who are crying one of the most important nourishments in our lives. When we let ourselves be really touched by the gift of their presence, they leave something precious in our hearts.

As long as we remain at the level of “doing” things for people, we tend to stay behind our barriers of superiority. We ought to welcome the gift of the poor with open hands. Jesus says, “What you do for the least of my brothers, you do for me.”

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Daily Dig

I used to receive daily posts from the Bruderhof communities called "Daily Dig"
I really enjoyed these so I saved them
The Bruderhof are no longer online, so I am going to take it upon myself to repost some of these digs


Jane Tyson Clement

At what instant does the summer change?
What subtle chemistry of air
and sunlight on the clean and windsmooth sand?
The small birds at the water's edge—
yesterday they were not there.

So suddenly the magic door is shut,
the trio suddenly is done,
the clasped hands inexplicably apart;
however clear, however bright,
the road we traveled on is gone.

From Jane Tyson Clement, "No One Can Stem the Tide"

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Joshua, revisited

my brother-in-law, Eric, who is Joshua's father commented on yesterday's post.
It is still hard to believe that memories and photos are all that are left for now.
I went to put fresh flowers on his grave today but found that someone had already done so. Blue,white and yellow pansies with a toy bear and frog. I called both grandmas but neither was responsible. So, I don't know who did it but it was nice to know that we are not the only one's who remember him.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Today my nephew would have been five...
There are two links on the sidebar to your right
one says "Journaling back to Joy"
the other "Awakening"
one is my sister
the other is my friend
they have both lost boys they will never forget
pray for them
don't be afraid to talk to them
this is life and we must share it

i heard this poem today and it seems to fit

"Advice to Myself" by Louise Erdrich

Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.
Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.
Don't even sew on a button.
Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.
Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don't even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don't answer the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in though the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Meet Harry Hollowes

*hint - click title link*
the ability to turn away from monetary wealth to recognize the inherent wealth of nature
i am not advocating everyone do this, but the simplicity and calm, resolve of this man is very refreshing
some will say he is nuts, but i heard this guy interviewed on the BBC and he does not sound so

Sunday, May 20, 2007


This is not a cry for help but to recognize and be grateful for where the help has come from.
First off I want to thank my sister and my mother for supporting us with transport while our Volvo was testing the limitations of our sanity.
Now I want to take the time to thank my friend, neighbor and oftentimes teacher Don for his help. Don has helped us numerous times at the last minute with anything that we throw his way...pulling a breach-birth lamb; feeding an orphaned lamb; feeding all of our animals on repeated last minute notices; and now fixing the Volvo.
In a matter of minutes Don was able to do what two automotive shops were unable to do, find the source of the problem and remedy it, and he did it for free.
So other than some ways that Christy and I are repaying him I wanted to use this space to promote him.
Don is a apiarist professionally and an all around knowledgeable guy recreationally. If you are at all interested in bees or know of people who are please visit his site. If you are considering starting your own hive please visit his site. If you want to know about things like getting electricity from a bike generator, water-wheel generator or various other types of fun and interesting stuff PLEASE VISIT HIS SITE.
Don is generous with his knowledge but never in a condescending way so if you have any kind of question about anything go ahead and ask him, and if it so impresses you to do so send him a little note thanking him for us.

Friday, May 18, 2007


ok so last Sunday as we were driving home from Woodland our Volvo just died..."What the hell?!"
tow truck, not covered on insurance, paid far more than desired, towed back to Woodland while my very gracious sister drove all of us back to Redding while the car was being fixed.
Wednesday meet mom half way, she takes Christy back to Woodland to pick up car, repair cost astronomical, driving to Redding yesterday Volvo just dies again same symptoms
I will spare you the four letter word that continues to surge out of my mouth

Thursday, May 10, 2007

et Two

you are the one
that can affect your parents
with hopeful daydreams of fixed love
where you will never change
or grow
or learn of the things in life
which make your heart so saturated
with confusion
that you want to wring it out
and never use it again

but please
dare to grow
to learn
to love
and we
will do our best
to make it less painful
more meaningful
more useful

you are the one
and the only one
who will be you
and we cannot wait
to meet you anew
again and again

you are the one
and today you are two
Kaya we love you so much

what's going on....

ok kids, friends, and well-wishers here what is going down in my life as of yesterday....
i have changed my working schedule to accommodate for a new job which began yesterday. the job is an instructional aide position at a private special ed. school that a friend operates. ALL of the people that work there i have worked with before while at the previous school that shall go unnamed, but is in fact the one christy still works at extremely part timed.
i will be working there 20 hours a week and at my other job 30 hours a week (my employers very graciously allowed me this flexibility while maintaining my benefits, they don't have little fishes on the backs of their trucks but they sure have exemplified christ to me in their repeated generous actions towards my family and others)
school started again this week and while i was going over the syllabus briefly, i noted to my friend that we didn't have a paper due...a few minutes later he leaned over and pointed to the part where we have 4 reading essays due that are to be 3-5 pages each. happiness is far too vulnerable and easily slaughtered!

Saturday, April 28, 2007


ok so i am mowing our property and it pretty much takes me three days.

first i hit it with our tractor and the brush mower, which was yesterday.

then i hit it with the rider

finally i fine tune it with the weedeater...tomorrow.

you may as why i bother mowing when we live 3 miles at the end of a dirt road, and have about 30 sheep who should do a pretty good job of eating it down? go ahead ask me?

well, i am glad you asked. first it is because i am just crazy. next, the sheep won't eat the foxtails once they have headed out and i am beginning to believe don't eat them at any stage. the foxtail have a way of finding their way into the ears of our dogs, as well as, in one case anyway, the eye of our horse. anyway this adds up to pain for the puppies as well as our pocketbooks. finally you factor in the 10 foot section that buffers our road and our property that if, say, someone were to throw our a lit cigarette butt in would look as if armageddon has begun.
all this to say it is not for the asthetically pleasing air of a well kept home that i do such things.

anytime you wanna come up and help, i'll let you drive the tractor.

BTW it looks like the clan of the Sharp's will be here on monday. looking forward to their visit.
if you have not "met" them yet check 'em out and make sure to check out their music

Monday, April 23, 2007

i'm back *EDITED*

my pop and stepmom were just here visiting.
it was the first time they got to see kieran other than the camera photo i shot off the day he was born.
anyway, pop and i were doing computer stuff, when he went online and said (tongue firmly placed in cheek),
"Yeah, I keep checkin' your page...but...nope!"
ok, for pop and the POSSIBLY MORE THAN TWO OTHERS (WITH APOLOGIES TO STEVE AND MIKE, BTW STEVE ENJOYING YOUR VOLVO!) who check my page (amy and dave) i'll try to start posting again more regularly.

kieran and kaya are great. kieran is growing and happy and just such a wonderful little guy, and kaya truly loves him.
christy is home now, which is good because in addition to the kids there are still 18 lambs to tend to as well as a new batch of puppies. this place never slows down.

i have a few weeks reprieve from school, during which i hope to have surgery on my hand, but i am still waiting to hear from the doctor.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

yeah well...

ok kids I know it has been extremely long since I have long that I may be the only one who reads this.
anyway, we are dealing with having a baby boy in one month, the ever expanding curiosity and experimentation of our first born, who is growing up far too fast....and, starting last Wednesday, 16 brand new baby lambs.
As well as Christy being busier than ever, along with being 8 months pregnant, school for me and returning to work (again) with the prospect of having another surgery as early as two weeks.
so life just keeps happenin'
oh yeah, I did get to see Los Lobos rock the freakin' house up here in the land of the was cool!
new looks, pictures and ramblings coming soon...