Thursday, May 31, 2007

Daily Dig

I used to receive daily posts from the Bruderhof communities called "Daily Dig"
I really enjoyed these so I saved them
The Bruderhof are no longer online, so I am going to take it upon myself to repost some of these digs


Jane Tyson Clement

At what instant does the summer change?
What subtle chemistry of air
and sunlight on the clean and windsmooth sand?
The small birds at the water's edge—
yesterday they were not there.

So suddenly the magic door is shut,
the trio suddenly is done,
the clasped hands inexplicably apart;
however clear, however bright,
the road we traveled on is gone.

From Jane Tyson Clement, "No One Can Stem the Tide"

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Joshua, revisited

my brother-in-law, Eric, who is Joshua's father commented on yesterday's post.
It is still hard to believe that memories and photos are all that are left for now.
I went to put fresh flowers on his grave today but found that someone had already done so. Blue,white and yellow pansies with a toy bear and frog. I called both grandmas but neither was responsible. So, I don't know who did it but it was nice to know that we are not the only one's who remember him.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Today my nephew would have been five...
There are two links on the sidebar to your right
one says "Journaling back to Joy"
the other "Awakening"
one is my sister
the other is my friend
they have both lost boys they will never forget
pray for them
don't be afraid to talk to them
this is life and we must share it

i heard this poem today and it seems to fit

"Advice to Myself" by Louise Erdrich

Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.
Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.
Don't even sew on a button.
Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.
Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don't even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don't answer the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in though the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Meet Harry Hollowes

*hint - click title link*
the ability to turn away from monetary wealth to recognize the inherent wealth of nature
i am not advocating everyone do this, but the simplicity and calm, resolve of this man is very refreshing
some will say he is nuts, but i heard this guy interviewed on the BBC and he does not sound so

Sunday, May 20, 2007


This is not a cry for help but to recognize and be grateful for where the help has come from.
First off I want to thank my sister and my mother for supporting us with transport while our Volvo was testing the limitations of our sanity.
Now I want to take the time to thank my friend, neighbor and oftentimes teacher Don for his help. Don has helped us numerous times at the last minute with anything that we throw his way...pulling a breach-birth lamb; feeding an orphaned lamb; feeding all of our animals on repeated last minute notices; and now fixing the Volvo.
In a matter of minutes Don was able to do what two automotive shops were unable to do, find the source of the problem and remedy it, and he did it for free.
So other than some ways that Christy and I are repaying him I wanted to use this space to promote him.
Don is a apiarist professionally and an all around knowledgeable guy recreationally. If you are at all interested in bees or know of people who are please visit his site. If you are considering starting your own hive please visit his site. If you want to know about things like getting electricity from a bike generator, water-wheel generator or various other types of fun and interesting stuff PLEASE VISIT HIS SITE.
Don is generous with his knowledge but never in a condescending way so if you have any kind of question about anything go ahead and ask him, and if it so impresses you to do so send him a little note thanking him for us.

Friday, May 18, 2007


ok so last Sunday as we were driving home from Woodland our Volvo just died..."What the hell?!"
tow truck, not covered on insurance, paid far more than desired, towed back to Woodland while my very gracious sister drove all of us back to Redding while the car was being fixed.
Wednesday meet mom half way, she takes Christy back to Woodland to pick up car, repair cost astronomical, driving to Redding yesterday Volvo just dies again same symptoms
I will spare you the four letter word that continues to surge out of my mouth

Thursday, May 10, 2007

et Two

you are the one
that can affect your parents
with hopeful daydreams of fixed love
where you will never change
or grow
or learn of the things in life
which make your heart so saturated
with confusion
that you want to wring it out
and never use it again

but please
dare to grow
to learn
to love
and we
will do our best
to make it less painful
more meaningful
more useful

you are the one
and the only one
who will be you
and we cannot wait
to meet you anew
again and again

you are the one
and today you are two
Kaya we love you so much

what's going on....

ok kids, friends, and well-wishers here what is going down in my life as of yesterday....
i have changed my working schedule to accommodate for a new job which began yesterday. the job is an instructional aide position at a private special ed. school that a friend operates. ALL of the people that work there i have worked with before while at the previous school that shall go unnamed, but is in fact the one christy still works at extremely part timed.
i will be working there 20 hours a week and at my other job 30 hours a week (my employers very graciously allowed me this flexibility while maintaining my benefits, they don't have little fishes on the backs of their trucks but they sure have exemplified christ to me in their repeated generous actions towards my family and others)
school started again this week and while i was going over the syllabus briefly, i noted to my friend that we didn't have a paper due...a few minutes later he leaned over and pointed to the part where we have 4 reading essays due that are to be 3-5 pages each. happiness is far too vulnerable and easily slaughtered!